All stressed out and no one to choke
Ax me about Ebonics
Behind every successful woman is herself
Body by Nautilus; Brain by Mattel
Boldly going nowhere
Cat: the other white meat
Caution: driver legally blonde
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult
Coffee, chocolate, men. Some things are just better rich
Constipated people don't give a shit
Cover me I'm changing lanes
Do not start with me. You will not win
Don't be sexist - broads hate that
Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.
Don’t treat me any differently than you would the Queen
Don’t upset me! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies
Eat right, exercise, die anyway
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
Fight crime: Shoot back!
Forget world peace -- Visualize turning off your turn signal!
Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels
Guys, just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.
Guys: No shirt, no service; Gals: No shirt, no charge [Reported seen on a restaurant]
Hang up and drive.
He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit
He who laughs last thinks slowest
Heart attacks ... God's revenge for eating his animal friends
Honk if anything falls off
Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window
Horn broken... watch for finger
HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
I CAN BE ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENS TO BAD PEOPLE
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha
I HAVE YET TO HEAR A MAN ASK FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO COMBINE MARRIAGE AND A CAREER
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
If At First You Don't Succeed...Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling
If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong...
If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look like Jabba The Hut?
If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over.. [Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep]
If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets
If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut
If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People
IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN
If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass
Illiterate? Write For Help
I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I HAVE A GUN
Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"
It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger
Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant
Necrophillia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One
OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME
OH MY GOSH, I THINK I'M BECOMING THE MAN I WANTED TO MARRY!
Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point
Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself
Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
Save Your Breath... You'll need it to blow up your date!
Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit ... Got It!
SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Some people just don't know how to drive. I call these people "Everybody But Me."
Thank You For Pot Smoking
The Earth Is Full - Go Home
The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
The proctologist called, they found your head.
This Bumper Sticker Exploits Illiterates
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing
Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT
Welcome to America...Now speak English
Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
Where There's A Will...I Want To Be In It!
Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
[ PRINT ]