A woman is like a tea big… You don’t know how strong she is until you put her in hot water

All stressed out and no one to choke

Ax me about Ebonics

Behind every successful woman is herself

Body by Nautilus; Brain by Mattel

Boldly going nowhere

Cat: the other white meat

Caution: driver legally blonde

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

Coffee, chocolate, men. Some things are just better rich

Constipated people don't give a shit

Cover me I'm changing lanes

Do not start with me. You will not win

Don't be sexist - broads hate that

Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.

Don’t treat me any differently than you would the Queen

Don’t upset me! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies

Eat right, exercise, die anyway

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

Fight crime: Shoot back!

Forget world peace -- Visualize turning off your turn signal!

Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels

Guys, just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.

Guys: No shirt, no service; Gals: No shirt, no charge [Reported seen on a restaurant]

Hang up and drive.

He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit

He who laughs last thinks slowest

Heart attacks ... God's revenge for eating his animal friends

Honk if anything falls off

Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window

Horn broken... watch for finger

HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?

How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?

I CAN BE ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENS TO BAD PEOPLE

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To

I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha

I HAVE YET TO HEAR A MAN ASK FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO COMBINE MARRIAGE AND A CAREER

I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

If At First You Don't Succeed...Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling

If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong...

If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better

If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look like Jabba The Hut?

If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer

If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over.. [Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep]

If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets

If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut

If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People

IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN

If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass

Illiterate? Write For Help

I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I HAVE A GUN

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"

It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger

Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch

My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant

Necrophillia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One

OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME

OH MY GOSH, I THINK I'M BECOMING THE MAN I WANTED TO MARRY!

Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point

Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself

Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.

Save Your Breath... You'll need it to blow up your date!

Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit ... Got It!

SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME

So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Some people just don't know how to drive. I call these people "Everybody But Me."

Thank You For Pot Smoking

The Earth Is Full - Go Home

The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name

The proctologist called, they found your head.

This Bumper Sticker Exploits Illiterates

This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing

Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT

Welcome to America...Now speak English

Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

Where There's A Will...I Want To Be In It!

Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?

You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me

[  BACK  ]