Friends don't let friends take home ugly men.
        --- Women's restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE.

Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
        --- Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia.

The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
        --- Women's restroom Murphy's, Champaign, IL

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.
        --- Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina

Make love, not war. Hell, do both, get married!
        --- Women's restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, Montana

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
        --- Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Texas

No wonder you always go home alone.
        --- Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA

Beauty is only a light switch away.
        --- Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
        --- The Irish Times, Washington, DC

I've decided that to raise my grades, I must lower my standards.
        --- Houghton Library Harvard University, Cambridge, MA

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
        --- Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Flagstaff, Arizona.

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
        --- Revolution Books, New York, New York

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
        --- Armand's Pizza, Washington, DC

God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
        --- The Irish Times, Washington, DC

Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
        --- Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

Please don't throw your cigarette butts in the urinal. It makes them soggy and hard to light.
        --- The Janitor

At the feast of ego everyone leaves hungry.
        --- Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson , AZ

If pro is opposite of con,then what is the opposite of progress? Congress!
        --- Men's restroom House of Representatives, Washington, DC

Express Lane: Five beers or less
        --- Sign over one of the urinals, Ed Debevic's, Phoenix , AZ

You're too good for him.
        --- Sign over mirror in Women's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills ,CA .

If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
        --- Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, TX

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