Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99
Wear sunscreen

If I could offer you only one tip for the future
Sunscreen would be it
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists
Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own, meandering experience
I will dispense this advice, now

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth
Oh never mind, you will never understand the power and the beauty of your youth until they've faded
But trust me
In twenty years, you will look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now by how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked
You are not as fat as you imagine

Don't worry about the future
Or worry, that knowing that worry is just as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind
The kind that blind sides you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday
Do one thing every day that scares you

Sing

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours

Floss

Don't waste your time on jealousy
Sometimes you're ahead
Sometimes you're behind
The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself

Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements

Stretch

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what to do with your life
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives
Some of the most interesting 40 year olds still don't
Get plenty of calcium
Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't
Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the 'Funky Chicken' on your 75th wedding anniversary
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance
So are everybody else's

Enjoy your body
Use it everyway you can
Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own

Dance
Even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room

Read the directions even if you don't follow them
Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly

Get to know your parents
You never know when they'll be gone for good

Be nice to your siblings
They are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future

Understand that friends come and go
But for a precious few, you should hold on

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle
For the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard
Live in northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft

Travel

Accept certain inalienable truths
Prices will rise
Politicians will philander
You, too, will get old
And when you do, you'll fanatisize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders
Respect your elders

Don't expect anyone else to support you
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse
But you'll never know when either one might run out

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're forty
It will look 85

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it
Advice is a form of nostalgia
Dispensing it is a way of washing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth

But trust me on the sunscreen