While proudly showing of his new apartment to friends one night a pissed Ted led the way to his bedroom where pride of place was given to a large brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong for," one of the guests asked.

"Why, that's the speaking clock," Ted replied.

"How does it work?"

"I'll show you," Ted said, giving it an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded donger.

Suddenly, someone on the otherside of the wall screamed, "For goodness sake you idiot, its 2 o'clock in the morning!"

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