Midlife women no longer have upper arms; we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts; we are flying squirrels in drag.
Midlife has hit when you stand naked in front of the mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.
Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. It's more like splat!
Midlife is when you realize that, if you were a dog, you would need a control top flea collar.
Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.
You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and know it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in film.
Midlife brings the wisdom that life throws you curves and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.
Midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at you latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I have Stretch marks?"
Midlife is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you still retain is water.
The good news about midlife is the glass is still half full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.
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